Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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