You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
