I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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