Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
