I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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