i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
