He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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