just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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