dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
