i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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