Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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