my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
