I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
