Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
