I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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