One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
