I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
