How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
