she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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