beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
