Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
