At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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