I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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