He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
