my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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