obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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