I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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