dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
