ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
