It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sober January is a disaster.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
