Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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