My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
