saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
