Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
