I heard we made out
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
