You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
