he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
