I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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