They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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