Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
