i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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