Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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