Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
