do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize