I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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