i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
