i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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