would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
