Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
