Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
