I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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