Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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