If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
