I puked a lego.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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