so that wasnt chicken after all
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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