THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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