New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
