tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
