it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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